Knit Knight & new friends

Small mitzvah for 12/14/09:

passed out solid lotion to everyone @ my knitting group. Usually that group is around a dozen; not this time, there were more people there than I've ever seen before.

Unexpected, for the people who don't know me; welcome from those who do.

Take the weather with you.

I'm all out of cute ideas, happy giving to strangers, finding serendipitous little things along the way. Today was a miserable day, in fact, it was a miserable weekend, complete with an irate "discussion" over the washing machine. Great.

The thing that I hate about Ohio when the temperature is cold is the grey, overcast skies, and the accompanying icy rain, which we had in spades. If it is going to be cold, it might as well snow, right? Freezing rain is the most miserable weather condition on earth, I'm convinced.

So after all that gnälling and grousing, where's today's mitzvah?

Much earlier this year, I got the idea in my head to make Limoncello. This Italian liqueur is intensely lemony, and until recently, it wasn't easy to find commercially made. If you were to raid the freezers of Italian bubbas along the Amalfi coast of Italy, though, you'd find lots of it.

I found recipes for it all over the interwebs, and took the best of all of them to make my own. Problem #1 was that most recipes call for 190 proof grain alcohol, which is not legal in Ohio. But it is legal in other states, and I knew that I'd find it somewhere. I found Everclear in Florida, and broke several federal laws by sending it home to Ohio. (Ooops.)

Limoncello takes a very long time to make. Months. It takes lots of lemons, and lots of liquor. Two bottles of Everclear. Two bottles of vodka. 40 lemons. A simple syrup made of sugar and water.

I zested the lemons back in July, and the lemon zest sat in the Everclear until just a few weeks ago. It looked like heavy, dark urine when I pulled it out of the dark, cool closet where it was hanging out since July. I was worried, because that certainly wasn't what it looked like in all the pictures I'd seen online. The pictures (Wiki has one) look like a neon yellow, something that wouldn't have been out of place on any 80s fashion plate.

So it was with a little bit of trepidation that I started straining out the lemon peels from the Everclear/vodka/lemon zest mixture. Once that was done, I added the cooled simple syrup, and as I stirred that in, the color changed from an unappetizing pee yellow to something that looks like there's a neon light inside of it. Pretty freaking cool.

For about the past 2 weeks, the limoncello has been sitting on my kitchen countertop, waiting for bottling. Inspiration hasn't struck yet for a bottling solution, although not for lack of looking.

I'm trying hard to give holiday gifts that are only hand or homemade this year, continuing a trend I started last year. The only exception to that 'rule' is the toys we have for my niece & nephew. I expect it will be a few years before they understand my intention there; but I'm teaching them. We make cookies together every year during the holiday season, and the memories I'm making with them are more precious than anything I will ever buy them.

Limoncello. Making my friends and family pleasantly intoxicated; that's a mitzvah, right?

Love it / am irritated by it.

Every year for about the last 8 or so, I've made a solid lotion that I usually give to people in conjunction with the lavender bath salts. I have to explain what it is to them, because I usually give it to people in tubes that look like lip balm tubes, but are much larger. The manufacturer calls them deodorant tubes, which made no sense to me. Think of a tube of Chapstick. Now imagine said tube of Chapstick with a diameter of 1-1/2 inches (3-1/2 cm) instead of the usual 1/4 inch (1-1/2 cm). Imagine it being about 3-1/2 or 4 inches tall (7-10 cm). So it looks like lip balm, but clearly isn't lip balm, and the idea of a solid moisturizer is odd to most people. Consequently, I get a lot of reactions that sound like this: "Cool! What is it?"

A sidebar here to note that moisturizer in a solid form is freaking brilliant, because unless you left in a hot car in the summer, it will never spill. Ever. Lots less messy to apply, IMO, as well. Unfortunately, it wasn't my original idea, so I'm not sitting on a million dollar next-big-thing enterprise. I have no plans to sell my solid lotion, no desire to deal with the legalities of trying to sell such a product. And I need to note that I bought the tubes someplace else for a less expensive price this year and they are the exact same size as lip balm tubes.

Anyway, most years I buy a kit for the solid lotion, add some stuff of my own (that-there's the technical term, 'stuff') pour the liquid into tubes, allow it to cool - room temperature solid, but melts on contact with your skin - put the caps on it, and away we go. When I couldn't find the kit on the website that I usually get it from, I sent the owner of the company an e-mail to see what was going on. She told me she isn't making the kits right now, but doing it on your own is dead easy, and she sent me the links to recipes. (Here and here.) Fair 'nuff. It isn't rocket science; a wax (such as beeswax) combined with a butter (avocado, mango, shea, cocoa) and oils (olive, apricot kernel, almond, walnut, soy), plus any fragrance and or colorant. She told me I could use any butter, any oils, so the fact that I didn't have mango butter or cocoa butter called for in those two recipes wasn't an issue. No artificial fragrances for me, thanks. I use lavender essential oil, for the aromatherapy benefits as well as liking the scent. Absolutely no colorant. I do put some colorant in the bath salts, but not ever in the lotion.

I have no idea which of those two recipes the kit contained, but I think it was probably the Easy Lotion Bar. I've added shea butter to the kit and the lavender, and that's worked well. Until this year, I've never measured the shea, just added it and tested a tiny bit until I felt it was 'right'. This year, I used the Extra-Rich recipe, using my super-duper kitchen scale to weigh the wax and butter. I measured the oils, added the lavender and when I tested it, it was far too hard and not the silky-yet-slightly-grainy texture I associate with "my" lotion. Hmmm. I'd put some of it into the tubes by then, and was irked that I needed to melt those back down and tinker. Using the smaller tubes seemed like a good idea, but they're difficult to fill. My hands shake quite a lot these days, a nice side-effect of my Wellbutrin. Some days it is bad, some days it is worse, and some days it doesn't happen at all. Filling those little tubes with an eyedropper and shaking hands meant I got that stuff all over the outside of the tubes, making them look like used candles, all over the countertop, and on my scale. Well, not exactly all over the countertop; I had a heavy cutting board out because the beeswax came in one ginormous block and I needed seriously 3 oz of the stuff. So there are dibs and dabs of solid lotion on the (fortunately plastic) cutting board. I think it'll come off in hot water and with a scrubbie.

The shea butter I bought several years ago on eBay. It came in an 'unrefined' state, which meant that there were little twigs and other things in the butter, requiring me to melt it down, and strain it through a cheesecloth. I wanted it that way, refining takes away some of the natural properties of the butter. I had it stored in the freezer in a Tupperware container, and each year I'd pull it out, let it hang out on the countertop a day or so, add it to the kit. Bam! Over, done.

In order to make the extra rich lotion bar recipe seem more like what I've been making all these years, I ended up tripling the amount of butter from 2 oz to 6. That was the very last of the shea butter. Like a complete fool, I had added the lavender before removing a small amount of the mixture for my 10 year-old nephew, who would rather not smell like flowers, thankyouverymuch. Last year or maybe 2 years ago, I made some with sandalwood essential oil specifically for him after spending some time researching less girly scents and an essential oil that wouldn't hurt his skin. He has eczema, and skin that is more sensitive than mine. The shea butter has absolutely amazing properties - like being absorbed easily in to the skin, and it helps with the itching of the eczema - so the solid lotion can be used on his skin with no worries.

I've given a lot of the solid lotion away already this year, and that's today's mitzvah. That and making the special batch for my nephew; something I really love to do, but it has seemed like work instead of fun this year. I'm doing it anyway because I'm mostly boycotting the over-commercialized gift grab that Christmas has become and am doing my best to give NO gifts that are purchased. Hand-and-homemade, all the way.

In a token recognition of the season, I leave you with these wise words:

Fear less, hope more.
Whine less, breathe more.
Talk less, say more.
Hate less, love more.
And all good things are yours. ~Swedish proverb

Yarnie Goodness/Goofiness

I went to lunch with a friend; our waitress was someone I've known for a long time, ex-roommate of one of my sisters. My friend and I were happily discussing yarn and looking at color cards, fondling the new yarn that had just been delivered. The waitress, a yarn fanatic herself, eagerly jumped in to the conversation. I had no idea that she knew how to knit; this urge to pick up sticks might have developed after my sister moved away.

So we told her all about Ravelry. I've scribbled about Rav so much that I don't think I need to write much more here. We told her allllll about Ravelry, and I could see the gleam of yarn fanaticism in her eyes. The math that Rav does for you; the organizational stuff for needles, yarn, and books you own; the way you can find a pattern and look at how everyone else interpreted colors or changes to the design. In other words, we completely geeked out about Ravelry.

We told her about some other websites like knittinghelp.com, and she wrote a bunch of things down on her notepad. Love that, love finding someone who shares a passion. I thought she was really cool when my sister lived with her; hypothesis confirmed!

So today's mitzvah is all about spreading the yarn love, and it is also a joint mitzvah, because if I hadn't gone out to lunch with my friend, I probably wouldn't have ever talked knitting with the waitress. Happy knitters!

Knitting Faux Pas; a few things non-knitters should know.

On Ravelry, I belong to a group called "Selfish Knitters".  The group's credo is as follows:

We are The Sainthood of the Aggrieved Knitters Who Say Nee to Non-Lovers of Our Knitting.

Our Battle Cry(s):

1. We only knit for ourselves and for people who bless us and hand us boxes of expensive chocolates! Or money.

2. Some people need to learn gratitude or face the wrath of our flinging needles of Death!

3. Selfish Knitters are people who love and value themselves.

4. The person I knit for knows how to appreciate a knitted item–ME!

5. By uber-KAL-ling, selfish knitters can multiply the amount of attention they get for each knitting project.

6. Everybody should be loved. But some people are greeting-card-love-worthy and some people are handknit-socks worthy.

Official Proclamation - any knittings done for friends/family who just created human life OR are fighting hard to preserve human life are knittings done from the heart and not because of the selfishness of others and are therefore free from scorn and spite in this group!

We are here to support each other in our quest to become/be selfish knitters. No more “Can you make this for me and have it done tonight?”. No more “But I really liked the other color better.” No more “Can you make me a man-thong?”

The group started a list of rules for how people (i.e. non-knitters) should react when presented with a hand-knitted item.  I read my way through what was then "just" a 3-page thread and howled the whole time.  I contributed but one of these rules, and I'm really touched that it ended up in the listatation.  The thread is still going strong with 8 pages and counting, so I might just run this post from time-to-time with the additions.

Please bear in mind that most of this is intended with tongue FIRMLY in cheek and is intended to sound both selfish and self-deprecating.  Thankfully, no one that I knit for has ever committed any of these 'mortal sins'.  One or two of the rules made me gasp out loud that someone would say such a thing to a stranger - or worse - a friend or family member.  Most of the posts in the thread had a little backstory to each rule, so some of these things have indeed happened to real people.  

Chapter 1: Gift giving

1. Don’t give yarn as a gift if you expect the recipient to knit something for you in return. That is not a gift, that is a request.

2. A gift that is a pattern book with the expectation that I will make something from said book IS NOT A GIFT! It is a commission. I do not do commissions.

Chapter 2: On Show and Tell

1. When shown a knitter’s FO, oohs and aahs should be used liberally. Any comments such as “I don’t like that mitten” or “You should have done ______ differently” should be kept to oneself. Period.

2. When you see a FO of wondrous beauty, or a knitter working on something, please don’t gasp and say, “I could never do that!” Do you think knitters were born churning out such objects? Stop hinting and get yourself some needles and we’ll see how quickly you can pick it up.

3. Time: Do you, dear non-knitter, know how silly you sound saying, “I just don’t have the time to do that,” while you’re sitting there, watching me knit, on break at work or in an office waiting for an appointment, rehashing to me yesterday’s reality show highlights? If you don’t want to knit/crochet, that’s perfectly alright, all the more wool for me, but do not say you don’t have the time. You just lack time management skills, and perhaps a bit of creative industriousness. 3a: And don’t use that Time excuse to 1. not say what you really mean; I don’t want to… thats ok toots, we don’t want you to either, so shut up. 2. Act as if what we do isn’t as important as what you do, so we have far more leisure time to ‘play’ at knitting, since you’re a closet (TVaholic, boozer, eater, nosepicker)… we really don’t care what you do with your time just leave our time alone. 3. Put us down because you are really jealous as hell and wish you had something to do so you didn’t look so stupid sitting there griping about your busy (aka boring) life

4. When approaching a stranger about a knitted garment and finding out they made themselves don’t say “I could make that” in a derogatory tone. It doesn’t matter who made it the level of skill is still the same.

Chapter 3: Making request

1. Never ever assume that it will be cheaper to have someone knit you a hat, scarf, sweater, mittens. hand knits are NEVER cheaper….maybe for you but definitely not for the person knitting said “deal.”

2. When a knitter has deemed you knitworthy and is working on a project for you… under no circumstances should you ever say how easy it would be to finish if the knitter would just get to working on it. This will force the knitter to play the hand of “if it’s so easy… here, do it yourself” and your name will be stricken from the knitworthy list because it was on the list tenuously to begin with and that was the last straw.

3. If you ever request a knitted item from a knitter, do not tell the knitter that you do not like the finished object or, heaven forbid, return it as well. Knitters are not stores. We do not make consumer goods you may return, we make you gifts. These gifts come from the heart and are made with love. When you return these gifts by saying you hated them and if we could please do better next time, we feel hurt. Especially when it was you that requested this gift. It’s like us offering you our hearts and you stomping on them and throwing them into our faces and then expecting us to give you our hearts again. A knitter can only take so much heartbreak before permanently kicking you off the to knit for list.

4. No nagging! Assuming that you are knitworthy, do not ever ask the knitter “how long will it be? “I need this by ______ date” or “can’t you finish it sooner?”

5. It being common knowledge that someone is the only knitter you know and quite an unselfish one at that (when it comes to kiddies and the exclusively knitworthy) - DO NOT grab said person mid conversation and point out someone’s ‘knitted’ garment with that “nudge nudge wink wink” look on your face or smile pathetically and say “hi” in that awful patronising tone - At the very least you will get an eyebrow raise (the unimpressed kind) or else - especially if you are a repeat offender - you WILL get a slap!!

6. If you ask me to make you something (and you are willing to pay for it) don’t complain that the price I set is too damn expensive. For my family and friends, if they ask me to make them something, I usually only charge them for the yarn I use. So if you choose that gorgeous merino silk that is handyed, don’t be surprised at the $30 hat I knit you. How much are they charging at banana republic? Well, take your a$$ there an’ buy one. I’ll make myself that awesome hat from the idea you just gave me :)

7. There is no “quick altering” for already knit items, so don’t ask.

Chapter 4: Dirty fingers, stay away!

1. If your hands are dirty (eg. from eating/snacking), resist the urge to grab pretty lace-y angora (or any type of handknit). Handknits are often not easily washable, unlike the clothes from the Gap that you may currently wearing.

Chapter 5: Thanks!

1. When deemed knitworthy and bestowed a handknit gift, a simple email saying “thank you so much” is perfectly fine, especially if the alternative is nothing. Don’t put off the thank you because you somehow feel it needs to be in epic form and sent via Oscar-worthy video clip, turtledove, handmade card, or whatever.

Chapter 6: Respect (and don’t joke with) The Knitter

1. Knitworthy people should refrain from asking, “What are you going to knit me next?” Maybe once, fine. But repeatedly, even as a supposed joke, will slowly bump down their knitworthy status. Double demotion for asking The Knitter before they start a project from themselves after just finishing something for the requester

2. Do NOT grab the WIP to have a feel/squish without asking first!

3. Do NOT borrow tools without asking.

4. Do NOT assume the knitter is “doing it wrong” and GRAB their knitting to “show them how it’s done”.

5. Do NOT go through a Knitter’s bag

6. Do NOT take away my book/magazine/pattern

7. Do NOT play with the yarn I am knitting while I am knitting

8. Don’t call a knitter a “granny” in a slighly derogotary tone when you see one knitting. Its insulting two ways: the implication that being an older woman is bad and the implication that knitting means we are old women. I’m young, I’ve got no kids, and I’m quite proud that I am skilled enough to create with my hands.

9. Looking at my knitting and saying “Wow, you made that? I don’t have to bother making things, I have enough money to buy what I want. I value my time more than you do” is really rude. Just because you don’t choose to make things with your hands does not make you better than those of us that do. Good luck staying warm if all the stores suddenly closed.

10. when approaching a knitter staring very hard at what they’re knitting, do not assume the knitter wants you to talk. Politely approach said knitter and whisper: “Are you counting?”

11. If you run into a knitter you haven’t seen for a while, and the knitter has the same project as the last time you saw them, DO NOT, in a shocked tone, say “Wow, you’re not done with that YET?!?”

12. And when seeing someone ripping out their first pair of socks AGAIN ask, “How many times are you going to rip those socks out?”

13. If a knitter makes you something that you did not ask for - as a gift just because s/he wanted to make it, accept it graciously (with lots of enthusiasm) and let it go. Please do not offer payment.

14. It is perfectly acceptable to ask to squish or pet something a knitter is wearing, as long as the knitter has made it. But please remember to ASK before you do so.

15. A knitter is always happy to answer the question “Whatcha makin’ now?” or “What’s that yarn for?”, if asked with enthusiasm.

16. When someone tells you his/her hobby is knitting, don’t say “But can you knit?” Not that it’s very offensive, it just doesn’t sound very bright. (No, I can’t knit even though it’s my hobby?)

17. Never ask: “If you want socks, why don’t you just go buy them for $10 a pack??” OR “You can buy a sweater at Kohl’s for $15” OR “Why would you knit ____ when you can go to _____ and buy it for $__?”’ Ugh. Because if I wanted mass produced socks, I would go buy them. But they don’t give me the satisfaction that I get making socks myself. Nor do they feel as nice on my feet. Nor do I get to choose the luscious colors or fibers. There is a time and a place for Wal-mart socks. But they aren’t going to give me the satisfaction of working with my hands and producing something beautiful and one-of-a-kind for myself. Plus, I love me just enough to spend the time on me. So Pffffbbbbbtttt. If I wanted a cheap sweater, I most certainly WOULD go and buy a cheap sweater. But since I want to choose the fiber, fit, pattern, colors, etc, AND because I enjoy making something so unique with my own two hands, two sticks, and some string, I will.

18. Never assume that a knitter’s project is for a baby - pu-lease - even adults wear knitted items.

19. Never assume that a knitter’s project must be for someone else.

20. And never, ever, ask a stranger (knitter or not) if she is pregnant unless it is so freakin’ obvious that you don’t have to ask.

21. Anything along the lines of, “I let my girlfriend wear the hat you made me. She hates it” should be grounds not just for banning from the knitworthy list but for possible bodily injury.

22. DO NOT assume that if I crochet, I can also knit and vice versa. At least not at the same proficiency.

23. DO NOT take ANY credit for a hadcrafted item if you did not actually handcraft said item. Oh, you bought the yarn? Picked the pattern? Gave me the idea? How nice, but you did not spend the tens/hundreds of hours creating each stitch. NO CREDIT FOR YOU!

24. If you’ve been gifted with a handcrafted item… perhaps, let’s say (purely for the sake of argument), a baby sweater… for your wee little love, kindly do not return the handcrafted item to the crafter & ask him/her to take it all apart & use the yarn to make something newer & bigger for your not-so-wee-any-longer little love. While the crafter may appreciate your concept of recycling & your desire that the crafted item not go to waste, I’m pretty sure the crafter will not be receptive to all the work involved with deconstructing something that took lots of time, love, effort, stitches, etc. to construct in the first place, nor will the crafter be pleased to be thought of as a “crafting factory” no matter how much you might consider it complimentary that he/she is “in demand.”

25. Don’t ask your wife to pretty-please knit you a 100% wool sweater to fit your 50” chest, from wool yarn that was chosen by you specifically for its woolly warmth… and then ask your wife to “hurry up” in finishing the 100% wool sweater because you are “cold” and you really really REALLY want to wear your warm 100% wool sweater…and then NOT WEAR THE 100% WOOL SWEATER BECAUSE IT’S TOO WARM.

26. If I make something for your little one, and tell you “all I ask for in return is a picture of baby/kid wearing it.” Take a darn picture and give it to me! It’s really not THAT much to ask in return. Is it?

27. If I am counting stitches and you interupt me, I am likely to start counting out loud (loudly) This is your que to stop talking. It is NOT your que to start to yell out random numbers at me!! (thanks kids!)

28. If you ask me to teach you a stitch/ technique (I work in a yarn store) do not then tell me “that’s not how I do it.” or “that’s not how I was taught it.” Why are you even asking me to show you then?!! My response has been, “Then just do it the way you were shown. You’ll get the best results with what you are comfortable with” And yes I have gotten at least one, “But I don’t remember how to do it!” (head banging against a brick wall then ensues.)

29. If I am knitting on the train/bus and there are empty seats that aren’t right next to mine, please sit elsewhere, NOT right on top of me (forcing me to move my knitting bag and scrunch in on myself to avoid bumping you.~~stabbing you in the eye with my needles~~ )

30. If you see someone that you do not know knitting (let’s say in a class or on the bus or in public somewhere) do not ask what they can knit you. Yes, I am capable of knitting you a tie / computer case / whatever random thing you think I can’t knit and it is possible but I don’t know you, and I won’t knit you any of these things. The situation is just awkward.

31. In the case that you are married to one or date one or for share money or something - do not bother said knitter about buying yarn and accessories. There is a reason I need different sizes of needles - yes, there really is - and if I buy the yarn, I can use it in the future. It’s not like chicken or something where if I don’t eat it all in a week it’s going to magically disappear. I promise - the yarn will NOT go to waste.

32. If you are a husband, do not offer your wife’s knitting services to others. Do not say to your mother, “Mom, my wife can knit that for you if you ask.” She does NOT want to knit that for your mom. or your grandmother. or your sister.

33. If you are a sister-in-law, do not say, ”I’d like for you to knit a sweater for my daughter.” I’ve never knit a sweater before and if I wanted to knit a sweater, I’d knit one for myself first.

34. If you are the often mean grandmother-in-law, do not say, ”I’ll pay you to knit me a scarf. I’ll pay for the yarn.” What about paying me for the time?! And do not say, “I wish the first scarf you knit for me when I became your new granny was brown not blue because I don’t own enough blue things to match it.” And don’t look at the scarf I made a mutual friend with envy. It makes me feel bad that you obviously don’t appreciate the hard work that went into choosing that specific color and pattern for you.

35. If you are a friend who guilted me into giving you a scarf off my neck, then WEAR IT! Let me see you wearing it. It makes me feel bad that you never wear it. Why make me give it to you if you won’t wear it?!

Chapter 7: Respect (and use) the knitwear

1. Giftee should never disrespect anything that the knitter has given them. As in tossing on the floor, throwing in the laundry (unless superwash), forgetting that it was you that gave it to them, giving it away to someone else that admires it, sending it off to thrift shop because you really didn’t like the (color, fit, texture, it’s wool) whatever.

2. If a knitter takes the time to hand-knit you something, please don’t just pack it away because it’s “too nice” or you “don’t want to ruin it.” We knit it for you to enjoy and use, and not using whatever we’ve made for you makes us feel like it wasn’t loved.

3. If you decide to help out by doing laundry, look at what you’re throwing in the washer/dryer. If you’re in doubt about whether something will be safe in there, then ask, for Bob’s sake! Nothing like seeing hours and hours of loving work reduced to a felted lump. sniff

4. If you are 6 years old, don’t throw the mittens your Mom made onto the roof of your school, even if “all the other guys were doing it”. Especially if there are workmen up there tarring the roof.

Chapter 8: Proposal of knitting for sale

1. Please resist the urge to tell the knitter that they could make “so much money” selling their finished objects for the amount you would be willing to pay for that object, usually less than $25. First of all, we’ll think you’re just silly that you think $25 is “so much money”; secondly, we very likely spent more than that on just the yarn; and thirdly, you are displaying your ignorance of how much time and work I’ve put in. Suggesting that your handknit socks are worth any monetary amount under $500 is grounds for removal from the knitworthy list.

Chapter 9: Respect the Designer

1. When your knitter gives you a wonderful gift, it is wonderful that you wear it. It is also wonderful that you brag on your knitter. And I can’t tell you how impressed your knitter is that you finally realize knitting takes money and time, and your knitter will not be loaned out, nor pressed into servitude producing gifts for you to hand out. However… when your friends ogle your wonderful handknit and think that they’d like to “make one just like that”–do not volunteer your knitter to photocopy her pattern and hand it round! In most cases this is clear copyright violation and is tantamount to stealing money right out of the designer’s pocket. It doesn’t matter that your knitter “already has the pattern just sitting around”. It doesn’t matter that your knitter has a home copier. It doesn’t even matter that no one will know. It is wrong, and your knitter will not do it and then you will have to explain to all your friends that they won’t be getting a freebie pattern after all. ps– if you ask nicely, I’m sure your knitter will be happy to tell you where she purchased her pattern, and then your friends can go buy their own copy.

Chapter 10: Respect the Yarn Store

1. If you go into a yarn store, browse all you want. ENJOY all the yummy yarns you want, but please do NOT tell me you can get it cheaper at a craft store or on the net. ALSO, please don’t come in, ask me to help you find something, then ask for a piece of paper and pen so you can write the yarn info down because you “buy all my yarns on E-bay.”

Chapter 11: Template for Those Who Don’t Want You to Knit for Them

1. “My beloved (wife/husband/girlfriend/partner/mum/sister) I am so impressed by your new found enthusiasm for (knitting/crochet/spinning/buying yarn and going ‘oooh’) and I deeply respect and cherish this. When you said last night that you wanted to make me a (hat/scarf/sweater/pair of socks/really nice pair of fingerless gloves you saw on Knitty) and you had already picked out some (Malabrigo/Wollmeise/Sundara/exotic sounding fibre that makes you go all obsessive and slightly scary) for it, I was filled with great love for you. However, I have a (yarn allergy/dislike of knitted items/dislike of items that can’t be machine washed and dried/phobia of handcraft dating back to a nasty incident in my youth involving a darning needle) and I fear that whatever you make for me, I will find it too hard to enjoy the end product. I recognise that your willingness to include me on your list of people to knit for makes me the luckiest person alive, and I am filled with love right now, but I would not want you to spend all that (time/effort/money/stash) making something for me that I am too (ignorant/careless/weird) to appreciate. Instead, why not (buy yourself some yarn/sit down and put your feet up while I make dinner/enjoy these chocolates I bought you) and knit something for yourself so I can admire you in it?”

I think perhaps it is a sad state of affairs when the world in general needs to be reminded of some basic, common courtesy.  Some of these rules are things that perhaps your knitter wanted to say, but was too polite to do so.

Part of the reason I find these so amusing is that I have been a knitter for 8 or 9 years and in all that time, with about 45 FOs (or completed projects, to the non-knitters), I have ONE SCARF that I made for myself.  One.  It is therefore high time I take some time to knit FOR ME.  I love to knit, I find it soothing, I enjoy creating things with my hands, and it makes me very happy when someone genuinely likes something I've made for them.  My sisters and mother, all recipients of hand-knitted projects of mine, are always enthusiastic about what they've gotten.  But I think it is time for the person who appreciates my work the most (i.e. ME) to have a few things I've made.  

Selfish?  Maybe.  Ask me if I care.

I'm knitting, and I can't stop!

(chanted to the tune of that old telly commercial, I've fallen, and I can't get up!)

At the end of 2008, I declared to a group of fiber fanatic friends that 2009 was going to be the year of Lucy knitting for Lucy.

And as we all know, whenever you make a declarative statement like that, the universe conspires against you and manages to tell you, "SCREW YOU!" ala comedian Jeff Dunham & Walter.

First came the invitation for a baby shower. One of my employees from my old non-profit is having a baby, and I got an invitation to the baby shower mostly because I ran into her recently. Not that I object to buying her a present, or celebrating the birth of her son; I don't. But I'd rather give her something hand-knitted than some plastic-y thing or gift certificate. So I quickly knitted her two baby hats; a small one for a newborn, and a slightly larger one for when he gets bigger.

Then, there was a phone call at work one day from DH telling me that friends of ours in Chicago are also expecting. Since I began knitting in about 2001, DH has done nothing but poke fun at me for doing an "old-lady" craft. He also likes to harass me about how long it takes for something to be finished; the line - and he knows how much this annoys me, which is why he does it - is "Aren't you done with that YET?"

But the moment he found out about the Chicago people, he asked me to make them a blanket. I'm inclined to turn him down on principle alone, or at least to harass back about how sure, now, now he LIKES my knitting. Suuure. But I'm not that bitchy. Or at least not all the time.

The thing is that it takes about 6 weeks to make a baby blanket, and I really don't want to take that much time out of selfishly knitting for myself. (sidebar: >_< goodness, that sounds harsh.)

Of course, it makes me feel guilty to even think such a thing, let alone say it out loud. I'm sure that I will end up making something for them, more than some-THING, probably a blanket, hats, a baby sweater....even though I've kind of sworn off garments, because the last sweater I made took me six years, no exaggeration, no joke.

I was cruising a friend's queue on Ravelry, and I saw a Scandinavian designer's pattern that I thought was pretty, but as it was a long duster-style cardigan, way, way, way too much work for me. (FYI- Ravelry = social networking site for knitters, kind of like MySpace with patterns. Queue = list of patterns/projects stored on Rav that you would like to make.) Because this particular designer was Scandinavian, and Fair Isle (scandinavian-style) knitting amazes me, I had to look at what else she's designed. Which brought me to this.

Photocredit goes to Tirku, I do not own this picture.  I just love it, admire it, and want, want, want, want to make one for myself.

She blogs in Finnish and English.  Here is the post about the sweater.  Since it appeared in Vogue Knits magazine in the Fall 2008 edition, the pattern is no longer online.  I bought the mag from the publisher; I do hope that she was well compensated by them for it.  (n.b., I just realized it sounds like I resent paying for the pattern.  Allow me to be clear: I do NOT.  I'm happy to pay for it.   I just hope she gets residuals or something from me purchasing the back issue.)

I don't love the color in the picture; the blog post picture is a vivid kelly green that I'm not a fan of either.  I can't wear either color, so no, I won't be making it that hue.  I'm also not a huge fan of hoodies; my sisters both love them, but meh.  Just not my thing.  There are numerous examples on Ravelry of people who have made them without the hood, and I intend to do the same.  In fact, over 400 people on Rav have started this project, and the reviews are positive, that it knits up quickly.  This may just bring me back to knitting actual clothes.  Maybe.

In the meantime, until my copy of Vogue Knitting Fall 2008 gets here, I'm searching for an easy baby blanket pattern.  Sigh.

Traits of Strangers

DH and I were out to breakfast when someone at a table adjacent to us asked if we'd managed to score tickets to the hottest event in town.  No, I told him.  Even if we'd been interested in the event (and we're not) we wouldn't have purchased tickets.  Much too expensive.  He and DH discussed it for a few seconds, I went back to reading the paper.

After the man left, DH raised his eyebrows and asked me if I had ever randomly struck up a conversation with someone in a restaurant.  Being an extrovert, talkative, and wildly curious, (ummm....read that nosy) of course I have.  

People-watching is a sport, one I thoroughly enjoy.  When I've noticed that someone is people-watching me, I usually just allow it, ignoring whomever it is.

I was out at a coffee hangout with a small group of fiber-fanatic friends for an evening of knitting and networking (also otherwise known as gossiping) and I noticed a woman in a nearby chair watching us.  We're loud, opinionated, have a very good time together, and, I imagine,  a great deal of fun to watch.

My birthday just passed, and since I hadn't seen my friends before my big day, they had presents for me.  Lovely presents were opened, and our observer giggled right along with us as I laughed over the choices my friends had made for me.  A knitting book I'd wanted, but been too cheap to spend the money on.  A pound of coffee with a vanity label, hysterically funny.  Stitch markers from Hide & Sheep, a company whose name amuses me to no end.

When the presents were put away and the needles pulled out, she gave up pretending that she wasn't paying attention to us and asked outright what we were doing.  We invited her to pull up a chair and give the knitting a shot, and she did.  

We proudly showed off our individual projects, talked about how each of us had learned to knit, showed her things we'd made that we happened to be wearing.  As we talked, we discovered a kindred spirit.  Someone whose political leanings were in our direction, whose sense of humor mirrored our twisted own.  What began as an evening of just our little insular group grew by one, and the evening was richer for the experience.

We exchanged telephone numbers and e-mail addresses when the baristas looked like they were going to kill us if we stayed for just one more minute, inviting her to join our knitting group that meets monthly.  Oh, she said, there are more of you?  Laughingly, we explained that we're just a clique of the larger group, and that not everyone is as cool as we are.  Or so we think, legends in our own minds that we are.

I kept thinking, though, about how even the most extroverted of us don't usually walk up to a group of boisterous strangers and ask to join in.   And even the most friendly of us might not be receptive to someone "barging in" to a gathering of friends.

I'm glad she did.  I'm glad we were.  And I hope she comes to our larger monthly gathering.  Time will tell.

Secrets to spill

My friend S owns a salon.  I found her in the phone book, but in yet another demonstration of how small my hometown really is, S was close friends with my cousin J when they were both in high school.  J wasn't really one for having her nails/hair done, but before she passed away, she used to spend time hanging out at the salon.  I didn't discover this until I'd been going to S's place for a couple of years, hilariously.  

After going there for more than 10 years, I consider S a good friend.  She teases me during the holiday season, because I bring cookies and other hand-made gifts to her and her staff; she tells me all the time: "You're so crafty!" and I snark back: "Martha Stewart is crafty.  I'm creative, which is way cooler than 'crafty'!"

But I've never thought that the stuff I make for holiday giving is all that difficult.  Bath salts, hand lotion, sometimes vanilla sugar, always cookies, usually one or two knit things.   Nothing that requires a degree in food science, chemistry, or really, a high skill level.

I don't know where I got the idea for the bath salts.  Can't remember.  I've been doing it for about 9 years now, and it couldn't be easier.  The ingredients are 4 things.  Yeah, seriously.  

1. Epsom salts (from any big box retailer or drugstore)

2. Sea salts (from an online supplier, or sometimes the health food store)

3. Lavender essential oil (again online or health food store)

4. Water-soluble colorant (totally optional, but fun.  From the same place as the sea salts.)

Equipment required:

2 buckets, 5-gallon size work well for me

a large spoon, like they used in your elementary school cafeteria for serving food (one you don't care about, because really, you don't want to use it for food after making bath salts)

about a half-hour of time

jars to put the finished product into

a funnel to get the salts into the jars (one of these works best if your jars have a wide enough mouth)

I don't really use a recipe; I've just done it long enough that I don't need directions.  You can Google "making bath salts" but many of the recipes call for glycerine (so not necessary) or baking soda or obscure soap-making ingredients like rhassoul clay....I call all of that "trying to re-invent the wheel" because they're making it so much harder than it needs to be.

I mix the two kinds of salts one bucket.  I should probably note here that I use equal amounts of sea salts and epsom salts.  That's an important detail, sorry.  I measure out the required amount of lavender. Which really is a personal preference kind of thing.  For roughly 20 pounds of salt, I use about an ounce or an ounce and a half of essential oil.  Yes, it is strong.  Yes, it makes the whole house smell like lavender (and that's a problem....why, exactly?).  

No one has ever complained to me that hey, Luce, the bath salts are great, but couldja scale back the lavender?  Ever.  

The next step almost requires three hands, but I manage OK by myself.  I pour the salts in a steady stream from one bucket to the other, and pour the lavender oil into that stream of salts.  Of course this results in clumps of heavily-saturated salts, so that's where the spoon comes in.  You stir.  And stir.  And stir some more.  When the oil is fairly evenly distributed, I use the same process to add the colorant, pouring carefully and slowly, and then stirring some more.

So your spoon ends up purple-ish, and smelling like a perfumery.  I strongly suggest washing it by hand several times before putting into your dishwasher, or all of your dishes will end up with a soupcon of lavender-scent.  But it has taken me longer to type this out than it does to make the salts.

The vanilla sugar is even easier; plain old white granulated sugar and a couple of vanilla beans are the ingredients; cut the vanilla beans in half lengthwise, scrape out the seeds, combine the sugar and vanilla in the food processor, pulse to combine, put into clear glass jars.  Whoa, rocket science, eh? This year I used half-pint mason jars, which hold about 2/3 of a cup of sugar; I used 4 vanilla beans and using a measuring cup that is a 2/3 cup, scooped eight of those 2/3 cups into the food processor's working bowl.  Somehow, though, I ended up with 9 half pint jars.  Maybe I can't count.  I wanted 12, but the food processor wouldn't hold that much, and the food processor is very noisy, so because I finished the first batch after 9 PM and DH was trying to sleep, I decided to make the rest another night.

The funny thing to me is that people are so impressed with this stuff; the vanilla sugar takes maybe 10 minutes to put together, and that's if you're slow cutting the vanilla beans.  The bath salts take a few minutes longer, but the ingredients are cheap, easy to come by, and folks, this is simple.  

The hand lotion is easy too, and I wish I could claim that as an original idea.  Nope.  I buy a kit from the same online supplier, although whilst searching for the kit today, I can't find it on her site; good thing I bought two of the kits when she had a sale this summer!  I don't make it exactly per the directions (oooh, shocker, right?) I add Shea butter, usually purchased on eBay, and lavender.  Thematic, anyone?  But the incredibly cool thing about this stuff is that it is solid at room temperature, which means that it will never spill.  It can melt, but doesn't spill because the kit comes with little tubes, slightly larger than a chapstick tube, with a solidly-closing cap.  So very very clever.  Also takes about a half hour to make.

Most of my holiday gift-giving secrets, shared with teh interwebs.  I'm just not telling you about my re-gifting plans.