27 June 2008

Boom de ah da

Once again, the Discovery channel has a commercial that is pretty unforgettable, in an annoying, stuck-in-your-head-but-its-kinda-cute way. Yes, "boom de ah da" is what they're saying in that commercial, the one that is nearly indecipherable to mostly deaf in my left ear me. I looked it up on their website, so the wording is accurate. Part of their "the world is just awesome" marketing campaign. Damn, they're some smart folks! That campaign is bloody brilliant.

(Do you want to watch television commercials on your computer? I don't, but what do I know? You can watch the commercial, should you be inclined, at discovery.com)

What strikes me every time that I see the longer 30 second spot, is how much fun Mike Rowe and the weapons guy, Mack, have with what they're doing. Mack, in particular, is looking joyful as he's blasting the hell out of something.

I've never been a proponent of the military, or of weapons in any form, but I find myself ceasing channel surfing when Future Weapons is on the Discovery Channel. He's got this whole bald, body-builder thing working for him, which makes the show not hard to watch, even sans sound. But WITH sound....oh, be still my heart! He's got a fabulous voice. Soft and growly, but still tough as nails.

I've been noticing voices a lot lately. Listening, really listening to tone, timbre, pitch, as I have not since my early teen years when I was studying voice with thoughts of operatic glory dancing in my head. I've got a passable singing voice, but I figured out that I'd never be Maria Callas, so I got a practical business degree in college instead of studying music. Silly me, why would I have wanted that?

I'm feeling like the world is indeed awesome these days. I'm still taking my Wellbutrin XL every. single. day. even though I'm feeling good enough most days to think that I might not need it anymore. Believe me, I know that just quitting taking it would be dumb, dumb, d-u-m-b. That's not the path that I am to tread in this life, apparently.

During a discussion with several friends who have been walking this same road with me the other day, the topic of "needing" versus not needing the meds came up. At the moment, I'm OK with the fact that I need the meds. To function. To not give up on myself entirely. To be able to breathe.

I've gone through phases with it; sometimes I want to quit them cold turkey, walk away from the treatment that is working for me. Why? Because even as I preach against it, the thought is still out there that taking anti-depressants makes you weak. Means something is fundamentally 'wrong' with you, something that you ought to be able to just brush off, ignore, move on from, but you can't. Therefore, you're weak, not as strong as "everyone else" who doesn't need them.

Here's a tip, honey.

You've got to do what works for you. Period. If that includes taking the meds, so be it. I can tell you (with no hesitation, embarrassment, or bravado) that without the meds, I would not be alive today. I was never suicidal, don't misunderstand me here, this is vital. I mean that I'd have retreated so far into the disease that I wouldn't be here, where I am now. I think I'd be in some kind of catatonia, in some ward.

Friends tell me that they can hear the difference in my voice as things have improved for me. I don't know how they can hear it when we're talking on the phone or IM-img. That prompted the listening more closely, trying to figure it out. And that listening has proved fascinating, addictive. Typically, though, listening to HOW something is being said sometimes makes it hard to pay attention to WHAT is being said.

I don't mind so much asking people to repeat themselves, anyone who knows me knows I'm hard of hearing. But it does make me look very silly, I think, because it looks like I'm listening sooo intently....and I am, but not to the actual message....and I still can't hear what's being said. Hence the inability to distinguish the "boom de ah da" from the nonsensical syllables of the song.


Human nature, not just the world, is awesome. Fascinating. I'll be listening.

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