24 April 2008

On not being able to sit still

When I tell stories about my Dad, one of the things I almost always explain to the listeners is that my father can't sit still. The man is in near-constant motion. Not a fidgeter, but not a sit for hours and read a novel type, either.

A few weeks before DH and I went to Florida to visit the parents, I was explaining to someone why we had chosen Naples, FL as our vacation spot; simple, my 'rents retired there. "Oh," said the other person, "are they active?" Meaning, are they sitting around in a retirement community and playing shuffleboard? I couldn't breathe for laughing, telling my friend, "Dude, my dad? Can run CIRCLES around me. Beats the pants off of me for his time in running a mile." (Case in point? His best mile time? Somewhere around 8 minutes. Mine? Um, 11.)

I, on the other hand, can sit still in a comfy chair with a good novel all day. Or sit in the shade on a beach and watch the water. I can't ever turn off my inner monologue that nags me about this, that, and the other that needs done, or things I ought to be doing rather than relaxing, but that's an OCD manifestation, and not at all the same as not being able to sit still.

I gave up caffeine (sort of) more than a year ago in an effort to assist with my sleeping trouble. I still eat chocolate (oh, what a sad world this would be without chocolate) and switched to half-caf coffee when I DO drink it, and yes, when I'm having a rhum and coke, it isn't caffeine-free diet coca cola. (shudders) So I guess what I ought to say is that I drastically cut down on my coffee consumption, not that I gave up caffeine. But I cut it down enough that when I do have full-caffeine coffee, it makes me jittery, fidgety.

Today, I've had more than a cup o'joe, plus instead of sugar, a wee bit of chocolate in the coffee (trust me, if you've never tried it....coffee+chocolate = happiness) and I've got a job interview that I am super-excited about. It is a panel interview; I'll be in front of 5 people who have the power to determine a future for me that I'd quite like to have. I'm not nervous; unlike a huge swath of the population, public speaking isn't a fear of mine at all. I'm quite comfortable in front of a group, large or small, speaking about any topic that I am knowledgeable on. And I'm reliably knowledgeable about ME!

Have I a prepped speech? No. I don't work well from notecards, losing my place more often than not. I will have a scrap of paper with the highlights, and I'm working on making a packet for each person so that it looks like I am hyper-organized and well prepared.

The frustrating thing about job-hunting is that I get very excited and hopeful about each position that comes along, and then when I get that dreaded letter in the mail that says, "We've selected another candidate for the position," I'm crushed.

Until then, I'll be en motion trying to sit still.

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